MY 3 UGLY TRUTHS
Did that title catch your attention or what? Well, it certainly wasn't a typo.
I've been challenged by a coach I'm working with to share 3 things that I don't want anyone to know about. To say it's uncomfortable would be a complete understatement. I literally feel like I may throw-up as I'm writing to you right now. BUT, I trust the process and know that growth is painful, so I know I need to take this step.
Before I share, I'll explain the reason behind this exercise in case you want to try the same thing. We all shame ourselves for things we're embarrassed about and make ourselves "wrong" for them. We hide these things because we're afraid of being judged and afraid of what people will think. When we clear the shame and wronging ourselves, we create room for truth and love, and live in a place of integrity. This is what ultimately creates alignment in all areas of our life.
By the way, I'm really not kidding when I say this is one of the most uncomfortable things I've ever done. But again, I know it's necessary for growth, which is why I've committed to it.
In the past few years I have accumulated a good chunk of debt between student loans and credit cards. I've started to pay it off recently, but this is something I've been embarrassed and secretive about for a long time. Being an entrepreneur, a lot of people think you have all your shit together at all times. This is definitely not the truth, but for some reason I felt I had to maintain that image, which is why I hid this and didn't want anyone to know.
When people would ask me "how's everything going with your business" about a past MLM business of mine, I would reply saying everything was great, even when I didn't feel that way, or felt the complete opposite of that.
Because I had been trying to make this business work for a couple years, I felt obligated to tell people it was all fine and dandy, when really I was struggling to make it my full-time gig. Everything was definitely NOT great in this business, and I often felt like a failure, but I was too afraid to actually admit that.
After coming home from a 4 week trip this year, I decided to re-invest in one of my coaches, and put more money into a coaching program than I had ever done in the past. I had enough money at the time to pay for the deposit, but when my next 2 payments came around I had to ask my boyfriend to help me with them. This made me feel like a total embarrassment and failure. It made me feel very low and powerless in the relationship, even though he was totally supportive of me.
I've paid him back now, but at the time I felt so embarrassed and wanted no one to know about this.
For about 2.5 years I had a part-time serving job as an entrepreneur. My friends and family knew, but for a long time it was something I didn't want (or didn't think I wanted) my clients to know, because I thought they wouldn't look up to me if they knew this. I actually got over this (which is why it's a bonus secret) when I realized that maybe it would inspire my clients and show them that I'm not so different, and we all do what we have to do to make this thing work. I quit the job last month because I knew it was time and likely hurting me more than helping me (more to come on this in another post). However, for the longest time it was something I felt embarrassed and ashamed about because again, I thought I should have my shit more together.
Soooo there you have it! 3 (+1) secrets I didn't want anyone to know about, and now you know! It feels like I'm standing nakey in front of you! I will admit, it does feel incredibly refreshing + relieving to write this and get it off my chest.
I will continue to keep you posted with this process. I am sure this is just the beginning of shit getting really uncomfortable around here!! So if you're ready to experience some massive growth of your own, stick around for the ride!
Sending all my love, good vibes and 100% truth,